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11/08: We
"When we use the 'we' pronoun we place two people behind a joint action almost as if they form a composite being. Many languages have a special pronoun to use about two - and only two - people. This pronoun is called dual, or something that is shared by two... When this pronoun suddenly make its appearance, fairytale rules come into play, as if with the wave of a wand... 'We'll go for a walk!' It's so simple, Georg, just five words, and yet they describe a chain of events so pregnant with meaning that they go deep into the lives of two people on earth... 'We'll shower' Veronika said. 'We'll eat!' 'We'll go to bed!' You don't need more than one shower-head when the form is used. You don't need more than one kitchen and one bed."~ The Orange Girl - Jostein Gaarder
When I looked back at the past relationships I had, I realised there was only one when I felt this 'duality' strongly. It wasn't a long relationship, lasting for about a year. In fact, it was not one that I remember much about. Yet, when I read the above, it was this particular relationship that jumped out and memories started flooding in.
We were seldom seen without each other in campus, or anywhere else for that matter. To even think of doing anything without the other was blasphemy. Friends felt weird when they see one of us without the other. Even the canteen operators knew us to be an inseparable item. When I was down and out, she was always there, even at the expenses of her parents wrath. When she was in need, I would be skipping lessons to be there for her. The concept of the individual 'I' ceased to exist. We were one, through thick and thin.
I guess it was a time youthful innocence, when the poisoned daggers of Life had not yet the chance to sink into one's vulnerable back, where the poison have not coursed through our blood, to make us suspicious and wary of even the closest one to us. It was a time when we loved with our heart, our lives.
As we trod through the Jungle of Life, sometimes bashing through the thick undergrowth, at other times walking along the safe and well traveled path, we learned to sit in a tavern with our back against the wall, observing the crowd, with our back protected. We learnt to shield our scarred heart from the elements. As times go by, we became survivors... and forgot what it is like to love wholeheartedly. We were obsessed with the need to survive in the Jungle. We became obsessed with Self. For fear of pain, or even selfish reasons like fear of being seen as an extension of the other being at the sacrifice of self, we chose to avoid opening our hearts to the significant other. We fear being seen as halves of an entity. It is always fear that makes us selfish.
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I want to tell you that you complete me, but would you let me complete you?
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'We' ~ such a simple word... yet so hard a mission to fulfill.
27/01: Turning Thirty
I was reading the above book by Mike Gayle for the second time round. When was the first time I read it? When I was turning thirty, two years back. -_-'"Thirty means only going to the pub if there's somewhere to sit down. Thirty means owning at least one classical CD, even if it's Now That's What I Call Classical Vol 6. Thirty means calling off the search for the perfect partner because now, after all these years in the wilderness, you've finally found what you've been looking for."
"Thirty means only going to the pub if there's somewhere to sit down..."
Well, for me, I only go to low profile pubs where there is less of a crowd. ermm...In fact I only go to one regular joint, and I have my regular seat at that bar. Why the bar and not a table? Bar means I get the drinks fast. In fact my usual seat is directly in front of the tap. At most joints, the bar is usually where the regulars hang out. It is no different at this joint. They know me well enough to know I wanna be left alone when I am engrossed in my book or scribbling notes with a frown on my face. I have definitely stopped going to joints where I have to queue or where there is no seats. Gone were the days when I would Q for hours to get into a 'happening' joint to see and be seen. Age does this to you...
"...Thirty means owning at least one classical CD, even if it's Now That's What I Call Classical Vol 6...."
I own quite some classical CDs, all compilations. Can't tell the names of all the tracks. I just play them to set the mood, to get some peace at home. Popular TOP40 hits are no longer on my usual playlists...Most of the music spinning at my pad are usually moods; from Celtic to classical to kitaro to down-tempo. Most of the albums I own don't even have vocals. I guess this is what age does to you...
"...Thirty means calling off the search for the perfect partner because now, after all these years in the wilderness, you've finally found what you've been looking for."
This is the funny part. When I was turning thirty, I told myself I was bullshitting me by planning to propose to my then girlfriend of ten years. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with her. I didn't wanna waste her time anymore. We broke up a couple months before I turned thirty. I went back in the wilderness again, played the field for awhile and realised that I was too tired for it all. I guess that is what age does to you..
Bah! Why am I talking about turning thirty, when I will be turning thirty three end of this year... I should be worrying about when I am gonna die.
PS: the quiz says that I am gonna die at the age of 76.1 from heart attack. Apparently I have more vitality then the average male (avg life span is 72). I don't want to live to that age. I wanna die happy, by 50.
07/01: Riddles, Mysteries and the rest of us.
I came across this part of the book 'Love & Other Recreational Sports' by John Dearie, that reminded me of what I always knew but have forgotten time and again in my dealings with the fairer(at times I do beg to defer) sex:"....Life is full of riddles and mysteries, he said. It's important to know the difference.
"Which is?"
"Riddles have answers," he said. "They're meant to be figured out. Mysteries aren't. They don't have answers. Not for us anyway."
"So you are saying women falls into the mystery category and I'm just torturing myself trying to figure them out."
"I am saying you don't want to figure them out.""
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