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09/07: This night
I opened the bottle of mineral water and passed it to her, as I listened to her divulging animatedly her dreams and desires.She laughed goofily as she shared her joy of the moment when she received a card from the girl she adopted. Her voice trailed off as she expressed regret for forgetting to send her a birthday card.
I lit a cigarette as I listened to her in amusement. Her energy was refreshing. Her frankness, infectious. I found myself revealing to her my innermost thoughts and dreams that were long buried.
Soon our conversation was interrupted by the splattering of raindrops on the concrete ground. We stood at the edge of the void deck, staring silently into the rain, each withdrawing into our own thoughts.
I breathed in deeply, mustering strength from the scent of the rain to push the rising sense of regret away...
------
She removed the scrunchie from her hair and ran her fingers through her long lustrous black hair. Then she stepped out of the shelter, into the rain. She raised her face to the night sky, with arms outstretched. I could see that it was an act of cleansing of the soul, as the raindrops flowed down her cheeks. She turned to me and beckoned me to join her, with that irresistible grin of hers.
I flicked the cigarette away and took her hand. I stepped out into the rain and joined her in the private ritual. We stood hand in hand, heads raised to the skies. Thoughts of her impending marriage was not welcomed tonight, as we let Mother Nature cleanse us of our guilt and regrets.
This night, the rest of the world did not matter. We held each other tight, as we danced to the rhythm of the rain, cocooned in our own little world. This night, nothing else mattered, but our love for each other...
04/07: Joni, Please Don't Cry
For the past week, a particular topic seemed to recur during conversations at the bar. It brought back certain memories from years ago...------
"My good friend just started seeing someone new." She said tentatively, thumb twiddling the corner of the quilt.
"Uh-huh." I grunted, as I lit my cigarette while waiting for the PC to boot up.
"Everyone around me seem to be seeing someone." She tested further, eyes on the ground, like a young kid knowing she is pushing her limits with her parents patience.
En savoir plus ...
19/05: Farewell
I put her arms gently around the big Pooh soft-toy that she like to hug to sleep with. Then I pulled the quilt over her and made sure she was snug and warm. I smiled at her sweet sleeping form and planted a goodbye kiss on her forehead before I left for work.This has been a routine for months. I would always linger at the doorway to the bedroom looking at her, smiling to myself, happy to be in love with such a wonderful woman. Sometimes I would go back in again to sit next to her on the bed. I would brush her cheek lightly and plant a few more kisses on her face, before I go.
En savoir plus ...
18/01: Crane
We were sitting at the bar.She was rampaging through her wallet for something. A small little piece of origami dropped out onto the counter. On closer look, it was a black crane about 1.5 cm small in all three dimensions.
She glanced over. I feigned extreme interest in the band.
En savoir plus ...
14/01: Angel
"Such as?" I asked."Intensity... I do things I have never done for another person. But for him I do... " Tasha was talking about her new guy Samuel "Sadly, sometimes it makes me darn pissed off with myself," she continued.
When I saw the above on Tetanus's blog(entry has since, been deleted by him for personal reasons), my feelings went topsy turvy again. On one end I was glad there are folks out there that felt the same way. It gave me the illusion that I am not going through this alone. Yet the thought of the intensity of the love I have for her, that made me do crazy things that I have never done before, brings a tinge of pain to my heart.
During a conversation one night at my usual pub, she mentioned a craving for chillied ikan bilis with nuts. I spent the next few weeks searching for it in vain. I finally made a trip to the supermarket and took a few hours of trial and error to fry a tuperware full of it for her. The look on her face was priceless when I passed it to her.
I enjoyed the weekends lounging on the sofa, with her head on my lap, watching anime. Once in while, I would gaze into her eyes with a silly grin on my face. When I noticed she hadn't been tidying her eyebrows, I would get a pair tweezers and spend the next 30 min cleaning it up for her while she watches TV. Then I would follow up by trimming and filing her nails.
When I was doing all the above, the only thought on my mind was how precious she was to me. I would be happy when she looks good. I would feel a sense of warmth when she flashed me a shy smile. I didn't think of how girlish those actions were. I was just happy to see her happy.
On hindsight, I realised these were things I have never done before for anyone in my life. These were things that would guarantee me the N01 Wuss spot amongst the boys. I would probably be ridiculed for months if they find out.
I remember a night when I had a bad bout of gastric pains caused me to puke through most of the night. I sent her a message in the middle of the night complaining about the pain.
The first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning was her beautiful face, crowned by her long lustrous hair. She was in a white fitting top and long flowing skirt. She was stroking my face softly and muttering some soothing words. She saw the SMS in the morning and rushed over to check on me.
Maybe it was a deception caused caused by the morning rays, maybe it was just my mind trying to shake off remnants of the dreams I had... at that split second when I opened my eyes, I was sure I saw... a pair of virgin white, soft, feathery wings folding on her back slowing and fading away...
